i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
