Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
