Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
