Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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