I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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