Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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