Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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