I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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