I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
