Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
