Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
