those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
