could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
