I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize