false alarm. still invincible.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
