alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
