I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
