just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
