I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
