i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
