Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
