i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
