i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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