I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
