i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
