he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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