im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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