My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
