you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
