Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
