Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
