I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
