I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
