Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize