Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
