his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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