I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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