I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
