i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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