Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
