Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
