I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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