Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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