the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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