she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
