once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
