I'm eating all of the evidence.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
