This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
