I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
