we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
