Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
