I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
