so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm passing your future prison.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
