Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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