I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
