everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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