Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
