So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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