I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
