WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
