My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i am craving dick and cupcakes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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