i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
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