my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
