ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
