True but thats because hes a fetus.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
