We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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