i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
